Goodnight my love

Today around 9:15am, my beloved Ashley, my little baby, passed away. She had really been struggling these past few weeks. She wasn't really eating and could no longer go to the bathroom on her own. When I came home on Friday, Eric and my dad were around her. She was really weak. Things only got progressively worse throughout the weekend. She had trouble getting up and she seizured a few times. It was so sad and scary. I didn't go anywhere all weekend except to church really and I stayed by her side. Last night, she was so weak and couldn't move and we didn't think she recognized us anymore. I knelt down and kissed and petted her. She meowed three little meows, so I knew she knew it was me. She hadn't meowed in days, and I believe she was saying "I love you." I wanted to be with her when she passed, but Ashley had other ideas. She loved us all so much, and I think she knew how scared Eric and I were. When we woke up this morning, she was having a lot of trouble breathing, and even stopped breathing a few times. I had to leave for work around 7:15. I wish I could have taken off to be with her today, but I just don't have that kind of job flexibility, plus I had no plans for a sub. Eric really struggled to watch her like that, and left finally around 9:10. My dad stayed with her and literally minutes later, she passed on.

To say my heart is breaking is an understatement. I was with her all weekend and I cried through most of it. My dad stayed home from work all day today. When I got home, I had a little hope maybe she was still alive. When he told me she was gone, I yelled and sobbed. I really hurt in a way like I lost a best friend. We all really loved her that much. In the words of my dad, "This is going to be really rough." I agree. We are trying to remember the good times and that she is not in pain anymore, but it really, really hurts. My boys don't cry often but we all bawled. We all feel like our family is shrinking even more. I keep thinking I see her everywhere, but it is not her. I have been carrying around the little blanket my mom had crocheted for her that I have always kept on my bed. I feel so depressed right now, I don't even know how I made it through work today. My only consolation is I know Ashley knew how much she was loved. Last night I sang to her the song "Goodnight my love." It is a song my mom used to sing to me when I was little when she was putting me to bed. I sang it to her again right before we buried her in the backyard. I am going to write her name on a little rock and we are going to get some flowers tomorrow. I found the album my mom made me when Graycie, Ashley's twin, passed away about 6 years ago. There are so many beautiful pictures in there of the two of them and all of us. My favorite one is of me, at the age of 7 cradling Ashley in my arms when she was a kitten. I keep looking at them even though they make me cry, but they remind me of when happier times existed here.

Ashley, I love you so much and someday we will be together in heaven again. For now, enjoy sitting on Mommy's lap. You're the best girl in the world.


"Good Night My Love (Pleasant Dreams)"
Goodnight, my love
Pleasant dreams and sleep tight, my love
May tomorrow be sunny and bright
And bring you closer to me
Before you go
Please remember I need you so
And this love I have for me
Will never go cold
If you should awake in the still of the night
Please have no fear
Just close your eyes
Then you realize
That my love will watch over you, dear, always
Goodnight, my love
Pleasant dreams and sleep tight, my love
May tomorrow be sunny and bright
And bring you closer to me
If you should awake in the still of the night
Please have no fear
Just close your eyes
Then you realize
That my love will watch over you, dear, always
Goodnight, my love
Pleasant dreams and sleep tight, my love
May tomorrow be sunny and bright
And bring you closer to me


Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.... Author unknown...

Ashley May 22, 1993- January 12, 2008